Carrots

 

   The cook in my school, noticing that I was eating some carrots during breakfast, approached me and said: "Hehe, carrots are healthy. Good for you. After all, when's the last time you saw a rabbit with glasses?"

On Plasticware and Pollution

  
   The cook in my school turns to me and says: 'You know, this whole plastic business, it's really bad for the environment. I think we should all be using real silverware. After all, the used plastic is thrown in the garbage and dumped, and is never used again.'

   A sound opinion, I thought to myself. But two minutes later: 'But sometimes it's good to have plastic; after you just finished making a party, and you're dreading the cleanup, using plastic makes it just so much easier.'

   It just left me wondering if she realizes that even after a party the plastic is thrown out and dumped, never to be used again.

   Maybe the accent barrier played a part in me not understanding what she said. She is "Ehhsssaaan" after all. (Asian, for all you who don't get it.)
  

Thanks, Cuz

 
   By a family Simcha a while back, I wandered outside the hall for some fresh air. Amidst the pseudo-smiling faces of the chatting women and several strollers, was my first cousin, some twenty years my senior. Holding her baby of several months as deftly as only a Shlucha could, she approached me.

   "Are you  ----?", she asked, calling me by my first name. "Yes, that's me", I replied with somewhat of a shy smile. (Let's just say I'm not famous for my small talk abilities...) "Oh", she said as she started what seemed to be a oft-repeated mantra: "I remember you! I flew in to help your mother when you were born..."

   Being that other than that tidbit we haven't much in common, the conversation ended soon afterward. (She must have also gone through the "Wow, you've grown so much since I've seen you last" stuff too, but I don't remember.) However, the casual recital of the sentence gave rise in my mind to several questions, which I shall now transcribe:

   What exactly do I owe you now that I know this? Do you want me to help you out next time?

   Is this a polite form of robbing me of my self-worth?

   Is there any way I can make amends for making you change my diaper?

   Do you think now that anything I'll do is to your credit, or can I take some of it for myself?

   Now, dear reader, please don't misinterpret me to mean I bear a grudge against this cousin of mine. I don't blame her for feeling impelled to reveal to me this rather unimportant fact. But just remember: there can be many implications to a simple statement, including ones you may not want there to be. Thankfully this time those implications exhibited themselves in a rather humorous way...
    

Arythmaahem...

Should poems rhyme

With meter and time?

Or are they good - even

If they don't?

A story I'll say:

T'was yesterday,

That Sam our poet,

Who did also know it,

Decided to recite,

For his sons' wedding night,

A poem -

So very bright.

Yes bright it was,

It was because,

Although it did not -

- Could not -

 - Would not -

Rhyme,

It was still genius -

But one thing at a time.

So Sam our poet,

Went to the stand,

And stand he did,

With paper in hand;

He stood some more,

Amid looks galore,

His eyes how they darted,

Before he started!

 Then start he did,

And the crowd went wild:

"He speaks like a child!"

"He speaks like a child!"

His eyes vainly looked,

For a friend which could,

Save him from the sitch,

With zero a hitch.

What happened next,

I can't really say,

Because they threw

Chairs

Tables

Glasses

And the whole crowd left

And

Never came

Back again

To hear our 

[By now no longer poetic]

Sam speak.

So what do you think?
Is expended ink,
Only goodly spent,
If it has a flow,
Like a river so slow?
If it has taste,
And is not made in haste?

Or is it good even -

If it

Ends

Like this?
  

Musings (7)

Toilet paper is like Time.

The less of it you have,

the more precious it becomes.

   

Bedsheets

My bed, my bed
It has no feet,
So in its' stead
There goes my sheet,

By night it's neat
By day it's not,
To stay still it
Was never taught,

How it walks
I do not know,
To new spots it
Will always go,

(I never thought
A thing like that,
Could have me brought
So off the bat,)

Why, one day
I might awake,
And have to give
A double take,

For I will see
A note for me:
"I do not mean
To let you down,
But 'till next week
I'm out of town!"